I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
