Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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