i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
