I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
