Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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