she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just want nice things and good sex
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize