It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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