non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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