Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
