I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize