Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
