I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
