Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
