your parents love me but you hate me
Don't you send me to vm
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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