this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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