If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
