i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
