things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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