let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
