i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
