Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
