I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just high enough for therapy.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
