You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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