Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
