I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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