Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i barfeds in our rink
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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