whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
