He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
