it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
