; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
the day after is always just damage control
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i believe in u and ur pee
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
