im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
