just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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