So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Randomize
