just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she told me i tasted like america
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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