everyone is single if you try hard enough
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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