dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
