Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
