If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
