Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
