I seem to have left my pride at pride
Quick, to the slutcave!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
