The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
