It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
