Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
