Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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