Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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