I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
