okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
