I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
