don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
