i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
if only i could text you this smell
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
