Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
