he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
