do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
