Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
