those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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