I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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