perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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