my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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