I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
