he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
