Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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