I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
