you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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