There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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