i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
