That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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