all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
