Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
