I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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