At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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