Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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