Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize