I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
