dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
