walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
