I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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