Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
