apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
