i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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