Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
