Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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