Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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