His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize