we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
