Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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