It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
