so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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