So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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