what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
