Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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