She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
