Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
