whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He better not be in your backpack
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
