Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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