walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
